Eyes of V

I love everything that comes with being a Latina, from the food, makeup looks,culture & style of clothing to most especially the language. Whether we know it fluently or not, no one can deny that Spanish is a beautiful language to know & learn. From the simple greeting, to the pet names, and even music that just makes us fall in love with the language all over again. 

 Growing up and even now I have always been known as the “No Sabo” kid of my family. Always struggling to speak Spanish and always getting poked at for laughs for something I may have mispronounced or misunderstood. In the moment I didn’t realize it was only meant to be taken as something light hearted but as a kid, it discouraged me so much that I didn’t speak Spanish as much. Since I wasn’t speaking Spanish as much as I should have been, I started to lose the language. 

As I was growing up, people always spoke to me in Spanish so thankfully I never lost it completely but I still struggled to even get past the words “hola como estas; bien y usted” when it came to just having a simple conversation. While I struggled, I saw my peers around me have conversations with each other and their families so effortlessly. Seeing that around me although did give me some type of motivation so I would be able to speak to my friends & their families but the other part of me was honestly jealous of the fact that they could do it so easy while i struggled to even pronounce certain words no matter how hard I tried. 

Now at 22 years old, I find myself grasping & trying to sponge up as much Spanish as possible before I lose it completely. Whether it’s listening to people talk to me, listening to music, watching shows & movies and more. I still find myself in those moments where I feel shy and almost embarrassed to say something the wrong way which makes me shut down my Spanish speak yet again. Sometimes I catch myself comparing myself to Selena Quintanilla in the sense that she knew Spanish very well when it came to singing but when it came to having an actual conversation, she struggled. 

Last year, I had family from Mexico who came to visit and out of respect I decided to speak Spanish to them & around them. But when I found myself speaking, I immediately regretted even uttering a syllable as soon as the giggling  started happening around me. Instead of assistance, I was met with laughters and I felt myself being that little embarrassed girl again. 

I know they would never mean it in a way to harm my feelings, my mind still registered it that way because I kept thinking to myself, “Why couldnt they just help me instead of laugh?” During that amount of time that they were there, I felt almost ashamed to even speak Spanish around them. Wanting to speak spanish around my family after that felt almost like a National Security risk that I just didn’t want to take. I didn’t want to even attempt to speak Spanish simply due to the fact that I did not want to be laughed at for simply trying to learn new things. 

But during times like these where you can be simply discriminated against for simply knowing or speaking the language, I am now more determined than ever to learn & speak more Spanish than ever before. Granted my Spanish speaking still has A LOT of work to do, I know I’ll learn along the way with the people that are surrounding me. Whether you’re a child or already an adult like myself, it is never too late to learn something new. Selena Quintanilla once said, “I feel very proud to be Mexican. I didn’t have the opportunity to learn Spanish when I was a girl, but … it’s never too late to get in touch with your roots”.

Speaking another language overall makes me feel more connected to the people around me in my family, work and more because a lot of the times people aren’t able to learn English as fast & easy as others may have. I noticed while working retail, most of the time people will be shy to speak Spanish or in their own language until they hear whoever’s helping them speak the language as well. It’s a huge relief and weight off their shoulders to know that there’s someone who understands them and won’t have a hard time. 

Although I was never good with saying 60 or 70 and other words, they knew I was trying and I can see that a lot of the times, thats what mattered to people. Just as much as Selena struggled to learn and speak Spanish at the start of her fast moving career, she worked just as hard to learn and speak the language to have a bigger connection with her fans everywhere. Selena is proof that with just a lot of practice and determination, it is never too late to learn something new. 

Even where I work at now, speaking Spanish isn’t something that I will be laughed at for because literally everyone around me is learning new things along with Spanish as well. I’m still learning as I go and sometimes I find myself learning from the littlest things I didn’t expect to teach me new things almost everyday. So whether I speak Spanish perfectly or not, I know that as long as I’m trying, genuienly putting my best effort in and willing to learn from others I’ll be just fine learning & speaking Spanish as I go. Mi español no va a ser el mejor en el camino, pero estoy aprendiendo poco a poco, así que ¿qué pasa?